This page reviews some good communication books including...
Communication has three parts, the sender, receiver, and the message. The more we know about the three parts the more effective we will be. The book Opportunity Truth has an entire section on communication in the Relationships chapter.
While the sender and receiver are pretty self explanitory, understanding their personality will help resonate with them. Communication experts estimate that only 10 percent of our communication is represented by our words, while 30 percent is our tone, and 60 percent is our body language (Stephen Covey).
This book is based on a long period of studying relationships, and it could be useful for pretty much anybody. Communication fundamentals include, don't condemn or criticize. Find out their good points, and give honest and sincere appreciation.
Ways to get people to like you include, be genuinely interested in them. Smile and remember their name. Talk about their interests and make them feel important.
Win people to your way of thinking include, begin in a friendly way, respect their opinion and never say "You're wrong." If you are wrong admit it quickly. Let them do most of the talking.
Leadership communication includes, if you must express fault in someone begin with a sincere praise. Instead of telling someone to do something directly, ask them a question with a choice. Give them a good reputation to live up to and encourage them.
This book opens with a reference of a Daniel Goleman article for the Harvard Business Review, “Leadership that Gets Results.” It says coaching is one of many leadership styles and it has a “markedly positive” impact on performance, culture, and the bottom line. It also points out that few leaders use it because it takes time to teach people and help them grow.
Many peoplefollow-up believe resourcefulness is the ultimate skill, well, the coaching habit seems to help others build resourcefulness. The Coaching Habit is a process of seven core questions, with possible follow up questions for each core question.
The questions include, What’s on your mind? And what else? What’s the real challenge here for you? What do you want? How can I help? If you’re saying yes to this, what are you saying no to?
This is a classic communication book that gives practical advice on how to strengthen relationships and connect on a deeper level. It has three sections, the heart, the questions, and the disciplines of conversationalists.
The heart section includes five levels of significant conversations, casual, contextual, conceptual, considerable, and catalytic, and discernment of whether they need care, counsel, or courage.
“One of the greatest privileges in relationship is when you experience somebody at their deepest point of fear and doubt, then to see them overcome those moments and step forward to see the victory that is the result of their lives as they have an impact on other people.”
Russell finishes the book with seven disciplines of the conversationalist, including removing barriers of engagement, defining the people, places, and priorities, clarifying expectations, and asking great questions.
Then he gives 50 great questions that help start better conversations. Here are just a few, What's one thing about you I don't know? What's the important thing going on in your world right now? What are you looking forward to the most this year? What's the most significant challenge you've faced in the last year? What books have you read more than once?
This book has some good practical tips for pretty much anybody. It has a section on how to create “Big Talk” as opposed to the boring old small talk. It also recommends some specific topics that spark more lively conversation. The book refers to a study that shows being different wakes people up, or a slightly unusual request raises more interest.
The book also gives practical tips for follow up questions that can increase your memorability, including highlighting important aspects about the person you are talking with, and have a personal story stack that launch from common topics.
The book mentions a study that concluded confidence is often more important to a professional’s reputation than skill set or history.
It also highlights how to make a good first impression with body language, keeping your hands visible, having a good posture, and making eye contact, all help increase feelings of trust, respect, and inclusion. “The best conversations aren’t about what you say, they are about what you hear.”
If you find yourself often frustrated with conversations this book is definitely for you. This book is based on proven tactics used by an impressive three letter agency. It points out how our basic personality types affect our communication, and the types come down to either an accommodator, assertive, and analyst.
It also points out some universal communication truth like being positive actually makes us smarter and the other person we are talking with will be more likely to see things from our perspective.
It also highlights the importance of labeling people’s emotions and mirroring any comments that seem interesting. This triggers a subconscious desire to explain more.
It emphasizes asking calibrated questions to better understand the other side’s perspective, along with “no” oriented questions because we have become conditioned to be defensive when someone asks a question that has an obvious “yes” answer.
Another important part of the book explains how summarizing with empathy, what a person said or feels and why. This can help build trust.
Verbal Judo is a book on how to have a conversation with someone who you have authority over, and you need to ask them to do something, but you think they might resist. His tactics were developed during his time teaching and as a policeman.
The Verbal Judo way “is to treat people with dignity and respect, most of all, your family and close friends. Be ever so careful how you speak to them, as words can cut deeper and fester longer than sword wounds. Ironically, we often spend less energy being kind to those closest to us.”
The verbal judo process…
You can learn to use your words to redirect the negative force of others toward positive outcomes.
This is a process that Dr. Rosenberg has developed over many years of having difficult conversations with people. The process is to state an observation, followed by how it makes you feel, explain your need, and make your request to fulfill the need. Then work on getting the same from them, what they observe, feel, need, and their request.
This is a logical process to help insert empathy and minimize emotion, as long as the tone and body language is humble, open, and curious, not arrogant, accusatory, or defensive. It sounds like... "When you ____, I feel ____. I need ____. Would you consider ____?
When we exercise empathy, listen and express back to others what we understand about their perspective, how it makes them feel, and their needs, it helps them to feel understood and can build trust
The book Crucial Conversations seems to have been a careful collaborative effort over time. It has a good process for productive talks when there are opposing opinions, high stakes, and strong emotions.
A few of the steps include start with the heart (what do you want from the conversation and the relationship?), learn to look (for content, conditions, and triggers of conversational issues), make it safe, and explore others’ views. If the tension increases consider reinforcing or revisiting shared respect or shared purpose.
Their research for the book focuses on moments of emotional and political risk. “The current quality of your leadership and your life is fundamentally a function of how you are presently handling these moments”
If you enjoyed this page, consider getting the book Opportunity Truth, which has this and much more, to help you develop a more effective "future self."
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